EXXX-TRREEEEEEEMMME!!!!!!

We’ve officially lost it as we coast into Columbus, OH.

O-H!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I-O!!!!!!!!!!

We’ve officially made it into Ohio, our apologies for the lack of quality of the picture but it was taken from a camera phone. We are about 88 miles out of Columbus.

Day 3…last leg of the trip pictorials

The day started off well, JJ & Captain Chaos embarked on the last leg of their epic journey

…..and then someone accidentally hit the “Ludicrous Speed” button

and then we went plad….

Duuuuuuust….in the wiiiiind…..

All we are is dust in the wiiiiiind……. YOU’RE MY BOY BLUE!!!!!! YOU’RE MY BOY!

As JJ and Captain Chaos embark on the last leg of their epic journey we have discovered the “BEST-RADIO-STATION-EEEVER!!!!!”

So far the playlist includes the following:

• Wanted Dead or Alive
• Dust in the Wind
• Pour some sugar on me

This is awesome!!!!!

We are now a little over 300 miles away from Columbus, OH.  We decided to rest at about 1am this morning in Effingham, IL and I have to say it was probably the best decision ever.  JJ now has his hands firmly attached to the Pussywagon’s G spot and is guiding her to her point of climax.  We should be OH in about 4.5 hours.

What have I learned on this epic journey?  Let’s see:

1. No matter how good it looks, do not….and I mean do not eat the jalapeno & cheese corn dogs at AM/PM!  I am calling bullshit on thier slogan…”Too much good stuff”  There is nothing good about a jalapeno & cheese corn dog.
2. Never pass up a bathroom
3. No matter what city you are in, “Martin Luther King Blvd, Road, Street, Ave, etc.” is in the ghetto.  If you can avoid stopping on this street, DO IT!
4. It’s never a good idea to drink 4 Monster/Rockstars/Red Bulls, 3 cups of coffee, and attempt to follow it up with a 5 hour Energy Drink….your body was not made to handle that much caffeine.

As we coast down I70 in Illinois I would like to say this has been one journey for the ages.  Although Captain Chaos never brought out the mask at any point on this trip there were some situations where both JJ and I were off our asses.  Next post….day 3 picture.

Chaos out!

Decisions, decisions…

Dateline – Just crossed into IL.

JJ here. Well, it’s 11:47pm Central, and we’re just now into IL. Captain Chaos has command, and we’re cruising towards an uncertain destiny and a moment of decision. Gwyneth (who really turned into a bit of a pushy little trollop in St. Louis), is telling us that we have a mere 385 miles till our destination. After all of this, we have just 385 miles. To give that number a little perspective, the drive from San Diego to Vegas is 326 miles, and many a late night Vegas run has been made in 4 hours 15 minutes back in the day. The difference was, we were younger, and we hadn’t just logged 2100 miles or so in the last 27 hours 33 minutes (1000+ and counting today).

So, what do we do? We drive till we don’t want to drive anymore.

VEGAS, BABY! VEGAS!!

JJ

P.S. Oklahoma, and their 150 or so miles of unspoiled, high-speed turnpikes as been my favorite driving state to this point. Good times!

Loopiness

We hit that point int he drive about 60 miles out from St. Louis. Totally loopiness. Captain Chaos added to his trucker hat collection, and we broke from the iPod Roulette game to start choosing our own music. I should say that Captain Chaos was choosing. Why should I say that? Becuase I have pride and don’t want to be associate with the following songs:

Wilson Phillips – Hold On
New Kids on the Block – Hangin Tough
Mary Mark and the Funky Bunch – Come ‘on, come ‘on, feel the vibration!!! (It’s in your head now, isn’t it? You’re welcome)

Here’s something interesting… St. Louis is The Hood! Yep.. with a capital “H”. Like, down to a quarter tank of gas, and waiting to get out of town before you pull over for gas after 11pm hood. Didn’t know that. Now we do.

Oh, and yes, we saw the freaking arch. Did you know that thing is really big?

JJ – Just crossing the IL border.

Where the f*ck in America are you when….

You’ve driven through more than half the state and there is not a McDonald’s in site….all we’ve passed by is 25 churches & 13 adult book stores (note: there was a church and an adult book store in the same parking lot)

By the way, we’re somewhere in bumblef*ck Missouri (about half way to St. Louis) and no, we can’t see the arch…..all we see is darkness. Does Missouri have a law against illuminating their highways? I think so.

We’ve been playing iPod Roulette and Captain Chaos is now out of vetos for the rest of the state. I hope we don’t hit a block of Cher, Abba, and Elton John. JJ is driving like a bat out hell, we finally saw a McDonald’s but we passed it up so I guess we’re going to go another 130 miles in search of a cheap cup of coffee.